Miracle
by Gasha-Aisu
Summary: You're not forced to do this. But you're the best man for the job"Heero smirked"Meaning I'm the one one of the pilots who isn't sellted in enough yet. I have no one close to me except the others the least ‘loved ones’ correct?”


Miracle.

By Gasha Aisu.

Disclaimer: be glad I don't own gundamwing, the character would suffer endlessly if I did.

Heero's eyes revealed nothing as he made his way to Lady Unes desk. He knew what she was going to ask him. And he knew what he had to do. He ignored the sad stares of his fellow preventors. Everybody heard the rumour. Everybody knew it was true. They knew his fate. Anyone knew he didn't refuse missions, especially the ones meant to keep Relena safe. And with this one, he would. He frowned, although he would rather be around to protect her, he guessed this was for the best. He didn't meet the eyes of anyone in the room. They couldn't handle it. He could. They couldn't.

A door burst open and he heard someone running to him, he knew who it was. He clenched his fist and his frown deepened. A hand grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around.

And met the eyes of his desperate friend.

"You're not going, are you?" he asked, knowing the truth but hoping for something else anyway. Heero looked at him with his expression neutral as always. He waited a while before responding, knowing fully well the entire (and suddenly suspiciously quiet) office was listening to his words.

"I'm just going to see Lady Une, Duo." he said calmly, prying the hand of his shoulder and turning to continue his way.

"You'll accept it, won't you?" Duo asked, his voice sounded bitter.

The office held its breath.

But Heero continued walking, not responding as if he never heard the question.

It didn't matter, he knew his answer anyway.

Heero raised his hand to knock, but before he could, Lady Une already called him in. Opening the door, and stepping inside, Heero couldn't help but notice the tension in the room.

And words weren't even spoken yet.

Heero looked up, and saw Lady Une cleaning her glasses. She didn't meet his eyes. His faith was sealed. He knew her question, and she knew his answer.

"Have a seat" she said, still not looking at him.

Heero did, he sat down in front of her desk. His eyes never leaving her. His cold stare searching her eyes, searching the truth. The truth of the rumours.

Finally she put on her glasses and her eyes hardened.

"As you know, terrorists have threatened the peace. We have found their hiding, and discovered it is in space" She looked him straight in the eyes, "They're planning on crashing into earth, and destroy every human being. They believe the colonies should rule, and are disgusted with earthlings. One in particular"

"Relena" Heero simply said, it was always the same.

Une nodded.

"Yes, and time is ticking. We wanted to send a whole army after them, but some strange force field makes it impossible to use weapons, and you're immediately detected the minute you fly into it. But, fortunately, we found a loop hole" she explained.

Heero leaned forward, he was listening.

"One mobile suit alone is not noticed for it is not big enough. In fact, if made by gundanium it's able to function normally, meaning you can shoot those bastards" she explained.

Heero nodded. He heard the gundanium was able to reflect certain radiation, leaving it undetected. The reason was unknown.

Une sighed, closed her eyes briefly.

"We need one of the gundam pilots. You guys are the only ones who stand a chance at completing the mission. You're the first one I approach, although the others are aware of the situation." again she looked him straight in the eyes, "You're not forced to do this. But you're the best man for the job"

Heero smirked.

"Meaning I'm the only one of the pilots who isn't settled in enough yet. I have no one close to me except the others. I'm the one with the least 'loved ones' correct?" he said, saying what Une couldn't.

She couldn't deny the truth, and nodded.

"Yes, I'm sorry Heero. But that's not the only reason. Your training as the perfect soldier has hardened you enough to do this. You're the only one who is stable enough to do this, knowing what he's leaving behind" she said, and somehow found it hard to keep eye contact. This wasn't easy, not that she expected it to be.

"What about Relena?" Heero suddenly spoke up. Lady Une's eyes widened. Did he just say what she thought he did?

"Yes, well everybody knows you two are close but-" she started, but was cut off.

"I mean, will she be safe?" Heero asked his voice neutral despite his words.

Lady Une nodded. Speaking was getting harder by the minute.

Heero nodded, and this time it was he who closed his eyes. He was silent, and Une waited for his answer. They sat in silence for a while.

"Mission: accepted" he finally said, opening his eyes.

Lady Une nodded, not able to speak for a moment. Poor boy, after all he's been through... She stared at his hardened, ice cold eyes for a moment. They where cold, yes, but there was hurt, pain, and compassion lying in those ice cold depth. She really was fond of almost everyone who worked in her office, especially the gundam pilots. She wished she didn't have to send him to his death.

"Let's go over the details then" she finally said, and her eyes hardened again. Sacrifices where sometimes necessary, and Heero would get the job done. That was the only thing that mattered, for now.

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Heero stepped out of the office, the door closing behind him with a soft click. Everyone stared at him, and once again he ignored them. His mind was focussed only on what he had to do.

Duo and Wufei blocked his way. And Sally and Hilde came to stand besides them. Heero stopped and looked at them for a minute before making a move to get past them.

"You accepted the mission, didn't you?" Duo asked, his voice was hoarse.

Heero looked up, looking him straight in the eyes. He glanced at Wufei before speaking.

"Yes" he said simply.

Shocked gasp and murmurs filled the office.

Duo's eyes showed pain, and he crossed his arms in a defensive stance. He didn't manage to get his usual smile plastered on his face. Despite him being annoying, Heero knew he was going to miss him.

If you could miss someone when you're dead that is.

When Heero looked at Wufei, he saw respect in those eyes, but also a faint trace of pain.

As if out of nowhere, Trowa came to stand besides Wufei, Sally had discretely stepped back. So did Hilde. This was between the pilots.

Heero looked at Trowa, the comrade who he could communicate with, without words. His green eyes also understood, but he wasn't happy with it. Heero smirked, as if he was.

Quatre came, also, as if out of nowhere. Heero couldn't help but raise his eyebrow. Quatre didn't usually come here, he mostly had business he had to attend to, being the only male heir and all. Quatre's eyes stood sad, as he didn't hide his pain, he was pleading with him.

Pleading for him to stay alive.

"Let's talk in my office" Heero finally said, breaking the silence.

None of his comrades protested.

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"So you're saying there is a less then 1 chance of surviving!" Duo yelled, his eyes darkened by rage at the helplessness of it all, "And you actually agreed to this?"

"If he didn't, one of us would have had to" Trowa spoke up calmly, strange as it was for him.

Duo immediately shut up, clenching his fist, and looking at the ground in despair. How could they be so calm about this? Sure, he wasn't afraid of dying either, but he wasn't exactly thrilled about losing his 'best buddy'. They where like brothers, the five of them.

And they where going to lose Heero.

"I have the least loved ones of the five of us. Few people are going to miss me, it's only logical that I go" Heero spoke up, he was sitting on his desk. His friend surrounding him in a circle of chairs. He couldn't help but feel loved, in a weird kind of way.

"It isn't fair" Duo whispered, narrowing his eyes, "Why does all this shit always happen to us? Why can't they enjoy peace for a change? Why can't we?"

"Because we can handle it" Wufei spoke up, his voice bitter, "Other people would've gone mad by now. We're strong enough to carry the burden"

Suddenly his eyes seemed distant.

"At least, I can't think of any other reason" he whispered.

Silence settled itself in Heero's small office, but they didn't mind.

Suddenly Quatre raised his head.

"What about Relena?" he asked, frowning slightly. Heero flinched.

_Relena._

"She won't know until the last minute" Heero spoke, his voice as hard and neutral as it always was. But the pilots knew his real meaning.

_He didn't want to face her, he didn't want to be distracted until the last moment, when she couldn't stop him anymore._

Duo smirked. "You can't deny her anything"

Heero wisely chose to ignore that comment.

"When does the mission start?" Wufei suddenly asked. The others immediately focussed their attention on Heero. Surely they would have some time to say goodbye? To create more memories?

Heero bowed his head, his eyes hiding in shadows.

"Tomorrow" he stated his voice neutral.

The other's paled.

"You've got to be kidding me" Duo whispered. Heero only shook his head. Quatre clenched his hands into fist, much like Duo had done minutes ago. Trowa bowed his head, as Wufei's jaw clenched. Heero didn't change, he just stared at the ground. Somehow it was harder to die this way. This _knowing_, it was eating at him. The fact that he wouldn't see his friends again, hell that he wouldn't _be_ there anymore... He narrowed his eyes.

"So, this is goodbye huh?" Duo asked his voice bitter and mocking. He wasn't taking it well, but then again, none of them was.

"Yes, although you will still have radio contact with me on the mission. And Une will arrange a big screen, so you can follow my progress" Heero stated.

Duo laughed bitterly.

"You mean so we can see your death"

Silence was his answer, but he knew it was a yes.

Quatre looked up, his eyes hopeful.

"Isn't there a small chance of you surviving? I mean, you self-destructed three times..." he trailed off, not really knowing how to continue. When Heero didn't answer, they started to get nervous. Wasn't there any chance at all?

"It's a miracle if I even can complete the mission, let alone survive" Heero said, finally.

Quatre's hope died, as did the others.

"But then again, surviving what I have is a miracle on its own" Heero added.

They nodded. They weren't fools, they knew nothing short of a miracle would get Heero to survive, but somehow they where comforted by his words.

"What do you want to do?" Duo suddenly asked. They looked up in confusion. Duo snorted as if it was obvious.

"You still got 24 hours right? You're not going to spend it, sitting alone in your house. So what are we going to do?" he explained, crossing his arms unconsciously. They all liked the idea, they where eager to spent some extra time with Heero.

"We're not going to do anything" Heero said, shattering the 'dream'.

"Why not?" Quatre couldn't help but question.

"I need to prepare for my mission, the rest of the time I need to sleep to gather my strength" Heero explained, as his hand went through his hair. He didn't like it, but he had no choice.

"So? We can help you train right?" Duo questioned, desperate to spend some last time with his buddy. Heero smirked, and nodded.

"Let's go" Wufei simply said, getting up.

And with that, the gundam 'brothers' went to do what could be the last time they could do together. As a whole group.

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Heero was kicking the punchbag Trowa held still for him. He was already sweating, for he had been at it for at least an hour. Wufei was battling against Duo, and Quatre was seeing if it was a fair fight. It was peaceful despite the violent acts, and Heero found himself storing this into his memory. Suddenly the door burst open.

"Heero, you need to see Lady Une _now. _We might start the mission before schedule" some very russled, and tired preventor stated. Apparently, the poor preventor had been searching all over the place. The five boys halted, and stared at him.

_We might start before schedule._

That meant no rest, no details, and a hell of a lot of chances. Heero frowned, but then nodded. He started unwrapping the bandages around his wrist as he walked to his preventor jacked. Grabbing it, and slinging it over his shoulder, his eyes darkened. Death seemed impatient to collect him.

"You coming?" He asked the guys, no one in particular as he followed the preventor to Une's office.

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His face didn't show anything. His eyes turned cold. He patiently listened to Une. He heard her explain that they needed to move fast. He was to rest now, and in five hours he would be taking of in his gundam. All he did was nod.

No one saw his inner conflict, although the guys knew. No one saw his desperate wish to live, although his comrades knew. No one saw his clenched fist, his detest of how this was happening to him, except his 'brothers'. His friends looked at him with sadened eyes, as Heero's own showed a glimps of what he was feeling.

But he was the perfect soldier.

He would do as ordered.

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Heero's eyes slowely opened as someone entered the room.

"It's time" the voice said, it seemed defeated. Heero hardly even flinched.

Slowly he got up and stretched. He put his shirt and preventor's jacked back on, as his shoes. Without a word he followed Duo out. The others where waiting for him. He couldn't help but smirk at the situation. They had spent more time together today than in the whole week. He was grateful, and for once, he was going to let it show. He halted, and Duo didn't notice it until he was besides the others.

"Thank you" Heero said simply, before averting his eyes and climbing in the car they had ready for him. The others knew what he was thanking them for, and instead relieved, they found themselves frowning. Heero really did think he was going to die.

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The ride was gloomy and silent. It was uncomfortable, yet at the same time they found themselves wishing it would go on forever.

Duo's eyes where half closed and filled with sadness. A life without Heero, without his 'buddy', he didn't want to think about it. He looked around, his eyes trailed on Trowa first. Trowa seemed calm, but his face was a little **to** calm, as a mask, and his knuckles where white because of his iron hold on the steer wheel. He guessed the clown wasn't as calm as he appeared to be. His eyes travelled to Quatre, who sat besides Trowa. Quatre looked outside, his expression one of deep sorrow, which his eyes showed most of all. He was holding up, but barely. They all where, barely. Duo looked besides him, Wufei sat in the middle, quiet. Too quiet if you asked Duo. A, yes, there it was. Wufei's jaw was clenched shut, his eyes slightly narrowed and his eyes where darkened with range, sadness, and desperation. God, they all where so desperate right now. Was there nothing they could do to escape this faith? Could they do nothing to prevent Heero from dying?

Heero…

His friend just sat there, gazing at his own hands. Duo watched as the man struggled with himself. Duo could almost hear the question running through his head.

_Was he making the right decision?_

Then the answer.

_Yes._

Another question.

_Was it right to leave his friends like this? To leave Relena…_

The same answer.

_Yes. Anything for peace, anything for them, even if it means leaving them._

Duo watched as Heero looked up from his hands, and through the normal mask, devoid of emotion, Duo saw his eyes. His eyes, they where blazing.

With determination.

His friend was determent to complete the mission. And he would do everything to return. Duo watched as he unconsciously straightened his back, his jaw clenched, eyes blazing.

He was ready.

How did he do it? How did he, while **knowing** his faith, knowing what would happen, how did he still managed to be this…this…confident. How did he manage to find the strength to go against it? Duo looked away, to look out of the window.

He knew he would never be that strong.

He knew it for a fact. Duo's hand made its way to his wrist, unconsciously. He, Duo Maxwell, God of death, funny and cheerful guy, had been ready to give it up. Like every one of the pilots, he had been haunted with nightmares, with memories. And after two years, he had been unable to take it any longer. He hadn't been able to take the pain, the disrespect he got from keeping up his mask. They had all considered him a clown, someone who you shouldn't take serious, a laugh.

Or so he had thought.

And he had been sick of it. He had been sick of pretending to be alright, sick of hating people, sick of being the clown. Hell, he had been sick of life itself. He had gone into depression, and had been unable to get himself out of it. He had though no one knew.

One night, he had decided to end his life, it wasn't as if anyone was going to miss him or anything.

Or so he thought.

_Flashback:_

_Duo took a swig out of his beer, and slammed it on the table. Cursing under his breath, he searched in his drawer. Nobody was around, it was in the middle of the night, and he was still in the preventors building. Smirking, Duo finally found what he was looking for. Grabbing the knife a little tighter, Duo's eyes darkened in thought._

_He had killed again._

_It had been two years since the war, and there had been another terrorist attack. A terrorist, he didn't even know his damn name, had aimed at Hilde. Without thinking, Duo had aimed his gun at the terrorist. The world went quiet, as Duo found himself calming down. A bullet whizzed by him, but duo hardly noticed. He only saw the eyes of the guy that was going to shoot Hilde, his Hilde. His roommate, his friend, his secret love. And Duo wasn't going to let that happen. Without thinking, Duo pulled the trigger, the terrorist fell down to his knees, dead. Hilde looked shocked, but then grateful as she smiled at Duo. _

_It wasn't until later that Duo realised what he had done. _

_It had been so natural to him, so easy to take his life. All for a good cause, but did that make it right? Duo didn't think so. No, he was a goddamn monster as far as he was concerned. _

_Duo rolled up his sleeve and stared at his wrist. Right now, he didn´t feel anything. He didn´t know why, or how, just that he didn´t. And he wasn't about to allow himself to feel anytime soon._

_The guilt, the horror, the pain, the sadness._

_He just couldn't take it anymore._

_Tears silently fell as he slit the knife across his wrist. He was crying as a baby, how pathetic. The knife glistered in blood, his blood. He watched it flow for a second, before preparing to make another cut. He would bleed to death tonight, as his soul had been bleeding for the past two years._

"_What are you doing?"_

_Shocked Duo looked up, to see Heero standing there. What was he doing here? The office should've been empty! Narrowing his eyes, Duo prepared to kill himself._

_Heero was faster._

_Heero´s hand closed around the wrist of the hand holding the knife. Duo's torn eyes snapped up to meet Heero´s calm ones. _

"_Why?" Heero simply asked. This had to be some sick joke. Heero Yuy, perfect soldier, making a talk with **him**? _

"_You figure it out" Duo spat, his eyes narrowed with rage. Why was Heero meddling with anyway? Why didn't he mind his own business like he used to?_

_Heero looked silently at him for a second before slowly reaching up with his other hand to take the knife. A new feeling overtook Duo, shame. He was taking the coward's way out, and Heero caught him. Looking away, Duo let Heero take the knife. _

"_We knew you would do this tonight"_

_Duo's eyes widened, as he stared at Heero in disbelieve. Heero gazed calmly at him._

"_You have the same eyes we see every night" Heero stated._

_Every night, every night haunted by nightmares, haunted by memories. So he was not alone._

"_So they send you to talk me out of it?" Duo asked, mirth stained his voice._

"_We don't want to loose you, and we understand. But you can't heal the wounds alone Duo" Heero told him. _

_Duo looked away, before smiling at Heero, a sardonic sad smile._

"_And you're here to do that, right?" he asked sarcastically. _

_Heero smirked._

"_We're all here for each other, we all know that, even you Duo. But there is one person who can truly heal your wounds. We all have that special person."_

_Duo raised his eyebrow. Yet, he understood. Like Wufei had Sally and Heero had Relena. Even if they didn´t want to admit it, that didn´t mean that it wasn't so._

"_Oh yeah? Well mine isn't here, buddy"_

_Heero smirked, and Duo felt cornered._

"_Who said she wasn't?" Heero replied, and opened the door he had closed after coming in. _

_Hilde smiled sweetly at him._

"_We're all here for you Duo" Hilde said, and ran to him. Duo's eyes widened as she grabbed him in a desperate hold._

"_Hilde" Duo breathed. _

_Heero came into view, as he stood directly before Duo, who looked over Hide's shoulder. Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Sally and Relena came walking in._

"_We'll get you through this" Hilde whispered._

_That night, they talked endlessly. Even Heero told them about his past. Duo couldn't help but feel relieved, loved even, as he told his story. They all seemed to understand. _

_When everybody was preparing to go home, Duo felt a hand on his shoulder. Duo looked back to meet Heero´s eyes._

"_We all try to heal each other. But the one who can truly heal you soul is your special person" Heero said and pointed to his arm, "You'll heal, just give it time. Allow Hilde to come close to you"_

_Duo smiled, a real smile this time, and took his advice to heart. Heero patted his shoulder, and walked past him. Tomorrow everything would be the same again, but at least now duo knew he could come to his friends if he wanted too. After tonight, Duo couldn't help but think they all where like a family. But then he frowned slightly._

"_What about you Heero?" he asked. Heero halted._

"_I allow her to come close, but not too close"_

Duo smiled slightly. That evening had made a great difference. They had started to see each other as family, more then friends. And Duo had worried from time to time, for Heero seemed to be the only ´brother' who kept people at bay. But he guessed it was for the best. Duo felt respect for the young man who had been able to get through it all without the support he had, had from Hilde. Somehow it seemed as a wise decision now, despite the hardship, for Duo doubted Relena to get over his death _now,_ let alone when he had allowed her to get close. Duo sighed. The two, Heero and Relena, where soul mates, to bad it had to end like this.

_**Well, that's it. Tell me if I have to continue this or not. Personally, I'm kina proud of it! I really like the way it begins, although it doesn't go like it should. But I just can't control my writing. All well…so review and tell me what you think okay? **_

_**Bye, **_

_**Gasha Aisu**_


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